Tag Archives: kindred spirit

I can’t help but share Silvio with you guys

23 Oct

Oh, dear deity!  How is it that this Cuban singer can sing what’s in my heart?  The words are not his, the writer’s name is Noel Nicola, but I am partial to Silvio and his interpretation of the song.

Es más, te perdono
by Noel Nicola, sung by Silvio Rodríguez, translated by yours truly

I forgive you for the bunch of words
you have whispered in my ears
since I’ve known you.
I forgive you for your photos and your cats,
your diners out,
the beers and cigars.  Even more,
I forgive you for the way you walk,
your shoes made of clouds,
your teeth and your hair.
I forgive you your hundreds of reasons,
for the thousand problems.
Finally, I forgive you for not loving me.
What I won’t forgive you
is you kissing me with such treachery.
I have witnesses:  a dog, the dawn, and the cold.
That, I really won’t forgive,
because if I do, I will surely forget it too.

I am in such an unforgiving mood tonight…

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I want my Pilot Guy!

18 Oct

Every day we wrote to each other. Right away we fell into an exciting routine, exchanging explicit messages laced with romanticism and unspoken hope. It felt as if it had always been like that, like we belonged, like our minds had found each other after searching for so long. It was sweet and fulfilling, and I never wanted it to end.

After his visit, he unclicked. All that excitement, all that want, vanished from his messages until his messages slowly vanished too. This left me on shaky ground. What was I supposed to do when he promised he wouldn’t break my heart, but it felt like it was breaking?  I can’t even continue writing the sex story we had begun to write together because it hurts too much to remember how it all started.

He said this was not a good moment for him.  After things get settled at work, he’ll let me know and we’ll talk. He is about to get some life changing news that are coming too soon after a move that took him from the world he always knew to my corner of the Caribbean. I understand his anxiety. I also understand that it seems to be in his nature to run away when things get complicated in his life. Apparently it’s difficult to change what you have been doing since you were a teen. Maybe that’s why he’s a pilot too.  He can fly away at any given time.

I don’t mean to act as if I was all that important for him. He had just met me, and even though I feel like I know him, I had just met him too.  I wonder if we’ll talk ever again.  I’d like to know if he has thought of me, at least once in the time that we haven’t exchanged any messages.  I want him to say that, yes, he misses me as much as miss him, and that he never wants to miss me again.

He has to come back to me, because the characters in our story were left speeding away in car in search of a drug lord who has secret information about a worldwide conspiracy.  These stories can’t be left unfinished.

Changes

28 Aug

 

Not the coolest or most self-explanatory post, but this is how I feel right now, a little strange, a little different, and a lot blue.  A dearest friend has moved away and I’m feeling her absence more than I had anticipated, which was a lot.

 

Everything Changes

by Julio Numhauser

That which is superficial changes
Also that which is profound
the way of thinking changes
Everything in this world changes

The weather changes as the years go by
The shepherd changes his flock
and just as everything changes
the fact that I change it’s not in the least strange

The finest diamond changes its brightness
as it travels from hand to hand
the bird changes its nest
So does a lover change the way he feels

The traveler changes his path
even if this proves to be harmful
and just as everything changes
the fact that I change it’s not in the least strange

Changes, everything changes

The sun changes its course
to give way to the night
The plant changes and gets dressed in green
during spring

The beast changes its fur
the hair of an old person changes
and just as everything changes
the fact that I change it’s not in the least strange

But my love doesn’t change
no matter how far away I find myself
neither the memory nor the pain
of my country and my people

What changed yesterday
will have to change tomorrow
Just as I change
in this foreign land

Changes, everything changes

But my love doesn’t change
no matter how far away I find myself
neither the memory nor the pain
of my country and my people

Changes, everything changes

Man-order addendum

21 Aug

A little part of me. The luscious, yummy, freaking hot part of me.

Dear Universe, remember the order I put in for a very specific man?  Well, I’ve been thinking about it and it just so happens that I need to add some important items to the list of specifications.

How could I forget to ask for an agnostic man?!!!  Maybe it is because of all the years of catholic indoctrination that my subconscious decided not to remember such an important detail.  Most of my adult life I’ve lived in a kind of limbo in relation to religion and spirituality, which by the way, was part of the reasons given by my ex-husband for our parting of ways.  For years I have refused to define what it is that I believe in, or not, but the important thing is that I have neglected that spiritual side that I’m supposed to be nourishing instead.

After my divorce, I started to wonder about God, and religion, and spirituality.  I even thought that if I said I believed and tried real hard to imagine a supreme being who controls my destiny, I would find solace and a new direction in life.  I went as far as to blame my not believing  in God for the failure of my marriage.  In a letter I wrote to my ex, I (now regretfully) wrote these words:  “had I let God into our family, it wouldn’t have failed.”

Now, looking back, I can see how desperate I was to not loose my marriage.  I was willing to make myself believe in something that my heart can’t accept.  Now that I’m back to normal, I relish the opportunity of finding a kindred spirit who will not make me feel guilty for not believing that a man-made construct is watching over me, while thousands of babies die of hunger and thirst around the world.

I also want a bilingual man (a polyglot would be even better).  I’ve told you guys about my fixation with English speaking men, but let me explain further.  Here in my corner of the Caribbean our native language is Spanish.  Because of a very complex and hard to explain relationship with the United States, we are taught English as a second language in public schools.  But the thing with us Puertorricans is that we are stubborn and don’t want to completely assimilate the American culture, so most people usually do not become bilingual even after 12 years of English classes in public school.  The fact that I am highly proficient in English without ever having lived in the US is astounding to most people.

I believe that I have a special ability for acquiring language, and that has also set me apart from a lot of people.  When your are completely bilingual, your thought process is different.  To acquire a language, you have to also learn the culture from whence it came, so bilingualism has opened up other worldviews to me that not a lot of people have been exposed to.  To say it more succinctly, I am a weirdo and I’m looking for a weirdo man to be weird with.

So there you have it, Universe, you can add those two items to the list and keep in touch with me.  I might have to make further revisions to the order in the near future.  For the moment, keep working on finding me a man, like asap.  It has become kinda hard to get into some of the yoga poses without imagining other hard things in the vicinity of certain parts.

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