The one where I dreamed I had a sugar daddy

8 Dec

 This video is so 80’s!  It reminds me of a time when I didn’t have so many worries.  On a side note, I need to get me one of those neon light whips for when my hero finally shows up.

Lately I haven’t been sleeping well.  I have only two weeks left of my work contract, and it seems that we won’t be getting a contract extension for next year.  This means that once again I’ll be out of a job during Christmas season.  This particular job I really really like because I get to work in trying to make my country a better place.  I also make very good money, make my own hours, and I’m constantly working with some very cool folks.  So the prospect of loosing all that, plus making Christmas happen for my 11 year old daughter, without a partner to support me is making me very anxious.

powerThe rational part of me is telling me that this is not the first time I have been out of work, that I have always been able to manage, that I’m a strong woman used to making things happen for herself.  This is yet again another opportunity for me to show my daughter, and everyone else, how strong, creative, resourceful, and resilient I can be.  This may be the opportunity I need to start that new business that I always dreamed about.  Maybe what’s coming next for me will be much more fulfilling than what I do now.

On the other hand, my emotional side is a mess.  I feel that I’ll never find a job that will pay me as much as this, to do what I’m doing.  I feel like I will miss the independence I have and the great people I’ve met.  I’m scared of risking everything trying to start a business in this economy.  I’m sad that once again I’ll have to tell C that we can’t spend too much money on presents, that we can’t take a vacation, that we have to start pinching pennies.  desperate-women

I desperately feel the need for a partner.  The kind who understands what I’m going through, maybe because he will be affected too.  Someone I can consult with.  Someone to ask for advice.  Most of all, someone who can hold me when I’m feeling anxious, who will crack a joke when I’m tense, who will make me go to bed when I’m dozing off on the sofa cause I can’t sleep well.

Last night was one of those nights.  I fell asleep on the couch, watching TV.  I woke up at 4 am and dragged my sorry ass to bed cause I still had a few hours to sleep.

Not my idea of a hero

Not my idea of a hero

That’s when the magic happened.  I dreamed I had a sugar daddy.  I think it was because I have been reading about king Henry VIII and Anne of Cleves, and I have the image of a fat old man marrying a young girl.  Sugar Daddy Guy was a fat, older man (was I thinking of Santa instead?).  He was American and was very jolly and attentive (yep, it was definitely Santa).  I felt happy, maybe even a little bit in love, definitely affectionate.  In my dream we went to a restaurant and we were having a great time.  I felt taken care of.  After almost three years of taking care of me and of C all on my own, it felt like bliss to be pampered like that.

When I woke up and realized that it was a dream, and that it had ended, I felt so low.  I really wanted that one dream to be true.  Oh well, back to the reality of making things workout for myself.  I don’t think the guy I met last night at the bar is as loaded as Sugar Daddy Guy seemed to be, and he hasn’t called anyway.

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3 Responses to “The one where I dreamed I had a sugar daddy”

  1. egointhesea December 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

    “Don’t be sad that it’s over; smile because it happened :)”
    You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

    • caramelolimon December 10, 2012 at 12:57 am #

      Thanks, Ego. I know it will be an adventure, for sure.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I guess he forgot to say he’s married « caramelolimon - December 18, 2012

    […] So this particular night we were bar hopping, drinking cheap beer and pitorro (this is Puerto Rican moonshine, but I’ll deny having any shots of it to anybody) when I was introduced to this guy in a jacket and ball cap who came in with his brother.  The first thing he told me was that he knew I was on the verge of a big change in my life, that I was afraid of this change, that I had some plans that made me feel anxious, but that I needed to trust myself, take the plunge, and that I would be successful.  Did he read my previous post?!!! […]

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