To my new friend Ido

12 Aug

Well, guys, I had a breakthrough, and I don’t necessarily love it.  Two days ago I started a journey that has proven to be incredibly surprising.  Turns out that my new friend Ido, a follower of this blog and a blogger I myself follow, published a self-awareness online workshop and invited his followers to try it out.  Off I went to his website to begin yet another project of introspection.

The interactive workshop begins in a very whimsical, almost nonsensical, way.  Once you start it, it kind of draws you in, and you start wondering what will happen next.   What did happen next was that I, inadvertently, wrote a sentence that filled me with dread.

The purpose of the assignment was to make me aware of the fact that I have to look to the inside when I face a situation that prompts me to be angry or changes my mood and the way I interact with the world.  The assignment required me to write about who and what I blame for my unhappiness.  Can you guess where this is going?

I started blaming my ex-husband for leaving me, for not keeping his promise, for making me feel undesirable.  Then came the sentence:  I blame M for taking away his love, for being what I can’t be right now.  What the FUCK?!!!  Excuse my french, but I can’t be that fucked up!

I don’t have any witty insight on this one.  It is just bewildering, and I only hope that finishing this workshop will give me some tools to continue working through this.

To my friend Ido, I have to say thank you for the opportunity of doing this.  I know that, after this initial shock wears off, I will see the benefit of completing it.  Please excuse me if my reaction seems a little dramatic, I had a glass of whine (ha!) while I was writing.

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2 Responses to “To my new friend Ido”

  1. giveheadandheart August 13, 2012 at 4:51 am #

    Ido was my first follower on my blog, and I’ll always remember that. What a small world, right? You shouldnt look down on yourself for feeling that way…you simply “feel” the way you feel. However, feeling that way does not have to dictate how you see the world, and now it won’t, because you’ve released some of thst negativity! Good for you!

    Mistress M
    http://Www.giveheadandheart.com

    • caramelolimon August 14, 2012 at 12:56 am #

      Thanks for your words. I kinda felt like I was walking backwards in my process, but I have to understand that I feel what I feel and that’s OK. I was chastising myself for expressing those feelings but, as you said, now they’re out there and not hidden inside where they can hurt. Your comment helped me realize that I am in fact moving on by facing the idea of my f-ing sentence head on.

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