I went to Looserville and, oddly enough, made an effort to stay

30 Jul

Lately I’ve been feeling unfocused, and it has been difficult to write any new posts.  So I decided to apply a more scientific approach to this “search” I’m in.  I quickly called up one of my best guy friends, the one I use as a sounding board, and made a date for Saturday night:  cheap beers at a dive bar and me asking “scientific” questions.  I think it is important for me to investigate how others perceive me in order to be more effective when attempting to establish interpersonal connections.  See? I can almost sound scientific!

My friend was not keen on the whole idea of me asking him questions.  He thinks that I over analyze everything and that I ask questions that he can’t and sometimes won’t answer, but he’s always a sport when the invitation includes beer.

Saturday night came, the end of my vacation week without C (she’s staying over at her father’s) and the only date I had was this one with a friend.  So we ended up having dinner with a pitcher of sangria at a restaurant, the dive bar would come later.  I will save you the details of the conversation because they can be kind of painful.  There was a lot of me asking “why do men behave like this or that,” and him answering “man, I don’t know! We’re all different, you know.”  I don’t think men are a good source of information about themselves, but I did receive a little insight on the situation I had with the latest guy.

It seems that what I thought was not clear about my interaction with Smoker Guy was very clear all along.  He wanted just sex, and I wanted a relationship.  Now, this may not seem like a mayor breakthrough, but all throughout the almost two months that we “dated” I never knew that our interests were as clear as that.

First of all, let me tell you about the “relationship.”  He approached me on a dating website.  We started texting, and I found him to be slightly interesting.  I haven’t told you yet that my first language is Spanish, but there’s something about English, and English speaking men, that draws me in.  So he speaks English, and not only that, he knows who Jane Austen is.  How do I know?  I mentioned her as one of my favorite authors and he said “I don’t read much.”  Come on!  At least he’s heard of her.

The first time we met in person, and every time since, he was all over me.  Before the date ended, he had already secured a second date for the next day.  I was kinda meh, but he was a good enough kisser and he was all over me.  What’s not to like. Right?  We saw each other about four times total.  In between those dates, there were days where he would not call or answer my texts.

Right about now you would be asking why did I go back each time.  It seems that I went back because I wanted to have a relationship.  It did not matter with whom.  Apparently he came back because he thought that each of those times he would be getting sex, simple as that.

So why didn’t he get sex? You might ask.  Well, he’s four years younger than me, lives with his parents, hasn’t gotten over his last girlfriend, and seems to spend most his time at the pub where we had our first date.  He is a man without a plan, and if he had read my profile, he would know that that is one of the things I hate the most.  I want a man that will take command, a man who will not need me to spell it out for him, and a man that doesn’t start drinking hours before we meet.

My friend says that Smoker Guy’s failure to get sex was the catalyst for his last message where he basically said he wasn’t interested anymore.  Another gem of wisdom that my friend casually threw in on the conversation was that my evident interest in finding out why I get dumped is only a reflection of my still wanting to know why my ex-husband dumped me.  On that score he is right, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it yet, but I think that theory deserves a whole new post.

In conclusion, I think my date with my friend was really fruitful.  He gave me a lot to think about, and I learned a thing or two about my subject.  I also learned that half a pitcher of sangria and three beers will make me funny-tipsy and turn me into an indiscriminate flirt.  I think I also need to add Increase My Alcohol Resistance Level to my plan of action.

These friends make me laugh!

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6 Responses to “I went to Looserville and, oddly enough, made an effort to stay”

  1. giveheadandheart July 30, 2012 at 5:21 am #

    Good for you for resisting the urge to advance such a “new” relationship. Make sure whatever decisions you make are on your terms, until a man shows you that your terms agree with his. Great post!

    Mistress M
    http://www.giveheadandheart.wordpress.com

    • caramelolimon July 30, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

      Oh, Mistress M! You give more credit than I deserve. I’m working towards living on my own terms, but I’m only starting. Thanks for visiting, and come back regularly. I like what you write and your input will be appreciated.

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